I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
