dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
