how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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