watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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