'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
