No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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