Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
