just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i drank out of a bidet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize