I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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