After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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