You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
