if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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