I feel great
I just peed on a car
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
