accomplished twins. life is a go
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
