I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
