I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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