just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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