I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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