My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
