Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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