you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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