Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
