Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
