I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
