I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
