Got a toothbrush?
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
