Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
