clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
