then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's blow job season.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
