i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
