haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
