I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We left an ass print on the piano.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Randomize
