I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
