my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
