I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
