It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
