Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
