i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
