weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
