last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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