Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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