is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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