i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize