I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
wow bdsm is so cute
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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