Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
