only if we run a train.
done.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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