I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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