I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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