You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
