Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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