You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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