i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We left the knife in your bed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
