singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
