he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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