$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
