i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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