can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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