Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
