Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
