Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize