Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
It's never too late to be topless.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
