I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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