She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
do nipples grow back?
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