problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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