Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
