I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I touched a dick in church today
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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