are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
