the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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